I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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