I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
