He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
