we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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