i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
