nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
