definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
