I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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