You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize