I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
