He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
