I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
