I bet he comes in French.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
