I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
