Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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