True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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