my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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