Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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