I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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