She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
