My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
