hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
