Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
