If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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