we have pet lesbian snakes
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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