Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize