You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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