I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
