I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
