I could make wine with my vomit
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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