he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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