I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
