drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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