take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
