You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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