I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
