The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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