i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
