Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
