I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
