just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
