Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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