Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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