I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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