I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
