yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
