Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i think my cat just said my name.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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