three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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