Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
