You can't motorboat a personality
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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