yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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