Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
