so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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