The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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