does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
