Bisexual people are plain selfish.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
