She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
