I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
