My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
