I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
zippers are such a cool invention
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
