i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
