Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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