Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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