i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She needs sedatives and a leash
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
