Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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