Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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