i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
