put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
