I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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