1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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