Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize